Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Ten hours better spent...



I recently tried to watch the first Peter Jackson Hobbit movie for the second time, and realized that, despite the fact that I love the source material and the way Jackson made Middle Earth come to life... That movie was not very well made, pacing-wise. It was padded pretty substantially to make three movies happen, and it felt like it. I also was thinking about the stories told about what the third film is going to look like; it will be the Battle of the Five Armies, and then will bridge the gap between the Hobbit movies and the Lord of the Rings.


That bridging has already been done IN THE EXISTING FILMS IN A NUMBER OF WAYS. You know how this time could be better spent? This:

My beloved 50th anniversary edition of the Hobbit, with beautiful paintings by Michael Hague for illustration. I have read this so many times I lost count. My mom gave it to me when I was eight!

Just read the Hobbit book! It will take you less than the ten cumulative hours it takes to watch these movies, and tells the story in the much-beloved charming Tolkien fashion; No ridiculously drawn-out sword battles and really bloody weird obese Orc songs, no forty-minute supper scene, no manufactured cliffhangers or Big Bads created specifically to fill time...

Again, I do dig that we have Tolkien on the screen at all... But between the six endings of Return of the King and the "supper in Bag End" scene in the first Hobbit film ALONE, somebody's gotta tell Peter to stop. He made a mess of the Two Towers and created a Nazgul/Frodo confrontation that NEVER happened, simply to give a movie that already had an AMAZING set piece and conflict resolution with the Battle of Helm's Deep another conflict and resolution. And what was that conflict and resolution? Let's see...

Frodo is tired. Frodo wants to put the ring on. Frodo knows he shouldn't put the ring on. But Frodo REALLY wants to put the ring on! Oh no, a flying whatchamacallit! ...now Frodo REALLY really wants to put that ring on! But he doesn't. Conflict over. Movie finished. My forbearance: also finished!
Dear Peter Jackson,
Tolkien actually DID create a cliffhanger ending for The Two Towers; It was the part where Sam thinks Frodo is dead, takes the sword and ring, and leaves on his own to complete the mission. That cliffhanger KILLED me when I was a kid. It would have been perfect. Why you gotta disrespect, Pete?


Rant complete. Maybe now that it's out on paper, My Beautiful Wife will never have to hear it again?

... Meh, probably not. I'm diabolical that way.

Until next time,