Monday, 27 July 2015

The String Cheese Experiment, Pt. 4: A Streetcar Named Disgust

It's that time again!

I am still terrible at updating this blog, so I figured it was time to bring back an old standby: Mr Steven Pam (from the Australia) was gracious enough to give me some random titles of nonexistent movies, and I am going to create something from nothing for your entertainment. Also, today I got a shiny new laptop and want to take it for a spin!

For the sake of the viewing public (and the fact that we have been through this song and dance before) I will add a level of difficulty to this endeavour; both titles have something in common with an already existing movie, but I will make none of the synopses even close to original subject matter. That would be lazy. And I am not laz- oh, yes I am. Lazy. Super lazy. But one has to draw the line somewhere, so why not here, on an issue that means totally nothing?

101 Standard Poodles
The President is in danger! After a routine traffic stop, the Secret Service have deduced that the President's next public appearance at the Dallas Bounce Sheet Hall of Fame will have a tragic ending; assassination is afoot! The only clue the authorities have is a lone hair fibre: that of a purebred poodle. With only hours to find the potential killer among Dallas' 100-poodle population, the government turns to a hero it previously discarded: CUDDLES. Cuddles thought his war was over, but with the fateful hour drawing near, he is the Man's furry secret weapon... for who better to track down a brainwashed homicidal poodle than...another poodle? Is Cuddles up to the challenge? Is his new obnoxious partner Kosmo playing both sides? Will the decidedly feline demons of his past stay buried? Will his failure to save a septuagenarian named Irma from choking on a piece of carrot cake come back to haunt him?

Pride and Vegemite
What would you do if you couldn't lose? What would you do if the world was sort of yours?
Jerry Bennington thinks there are no more surprises in life; he has a regular job, a regular girlfriend, a regular dog, and a regular bathroom schedule. Little does he know that all these things were going to be flipped UPSIDE DOWN after he tried Vegemite for the first time! Part of a rare genetic bloodline that derives super-powers from common Vegemite spread, Jerry discovers he has the rare ability to correct grammar and spelling FLAWLESSLY in everyone around him!! Pretty soon, the aforementioned job, girlfriend, and dog are LONG gone, and the constant consumption of Vegemite takes its toll; what can a man do with a flawless vocabulary and grasp of the English language, but no creative skills? Especially when he can't stray far from a latrine? After a couple of unfortunate game show incidents, Jerry is about to lose hope, until a mysterious stranger shows up to his home with a proposition; become a copy editor for a local tourist website! 
The attainable, anticlimactic adventure of the autumn is HERE!!!

*What, you were expecting The Avengers?
He's a full-grown adult with a permanent case of the runs, and his power is SPELLING; I dare you to do better.*

And there we are!
It felt good to flex the creative muscles again. I will try to be a bit more regular from here on out... Not like,Vegemite Regular... just regular.

Until Next Time,


What I'm listening to:
I've been a huge fan of Matthew Perryman Jones for a while now; just an amazing and prolific singer/songwriter from the States. He just released a new EP called Cold Answer on July 17, and it has been playing on repeat the whole time I have been writing this post.
Also, I just picked up a couple of new bands recently that are great summer music, so I am pushing three picks! It's been a while. Humor me.

Artist: Matthew Perryman Jones
Album: Cold Answer
Award: Most Likely To Make You Rethink Your Life

Artist: Misterwives
Album: Our Own House
Award: Most Likely To Make You Unashamedly Sing the WOO Part In the Car
Secondary Award: Best Summer Jams Pick

Artist: Myzica
Album: Myzica - EP
Award: Bringing Back 80's Pop with Contemporary Style

Thursday, 25 June 2015

Thursday Evenings with John Mayer

So... I'm back. I was just wistfully thinking about the blog yesterday, and about how I missed it... and then I realized I have complete control of the situation. And thus... the below.

The conversation I had with John Mayer whilst driving in my car tonight:


Who says I can't get stoned?

Turn off the lights and the telephone;

Me in my house alone...

Who says I can't get stoned?

ME: The POLICE, John. The police say you can't get stoned.


Who says I can't be free?

From all of the things that I used to be

Rewrite my history

Who says I can't be free?

ME: TWITTER, JOHN. Twitter is why you can't rewrite the past. The sheer size and volume of offensively ignorant things you have said on Twitter makes this impossible, I am afraid.


ME: Yeeeah... I'm just the messenger, buddy.

What I am listening to right now: Guess. 

Until Next time,


Monday, 12 January 2015

The Hounds of Winter/Monday Morning Whine-A-Thon

So My Beautiful Wife is gone. For Eight Days. Which will be the longest we have been apart in fifteen- and-a-half years of marriage. 

In recognition of the fact that there literally billions of people in the world right now who have it WAY worse than I do, I will NOT go on ceaselessly about how everything is better when she is around, or about how she lights up a room by entering it, or any of those other COMPLETELY TRUE sentiments;

Instead, I will just post the lyrics to an outstanding Sting song that encapsulates my feelings on the subject pretty accurately... And bleakly. The song is from the Sting Golden Era, which consisted of the best two albums of his career: Ten Summoner's Tales, and the follow up, Mercury Falling. This is from Mercury Falling.

Buy the album.

Wallow with me.

The Hounds of Winter

Mercury falling
I rise from my bed,
Collect my thoughts together
I have to hold my head
It seems that she's gone
And somehow I am pinned by
The Hounds of Winter
Howling in the wind

I walk through the day
My coat around my ears
I look for my companion
I have to dry my tears
It seems that she's gone
Leaving me too soon
I'm as dark as December
I'm as cold as the Man in the Moon

I still see her face
As beautiful as day
It's easy to remember
Remember my love that way
All I hear is that lonesome sound
The Hounds of Winter
They follow me down

I can't make up the fire
The way that she could
I spend all my days
In the search for dry wood
Board all the windows and close the front door
I can't believe she won't be here anymore

I still see her face
As beautiful as day
It's easy to remember
Remember my love that way
All I hear is that lonesome sound
The Hounds of Winter
They follow me down

A season for joy
A season for sorrow
Where she's gone
I will surely, surely follow
She brightened my day
She warmed the coldest night
The Hounds of Winter
They got me in their sights

I still see her face
As beautiful as day
It's easy to remember
Remember my love that way
All I hear is that lonesome sound
The Hounds of Winter
They harry me down.

Until next time,